Watching That Guy With the Glasses LIVE!

This was pretty much my experience Thursday night. I hope you like it. And remember: you don't have to buy what's in the ads, but giving them a click or two really helps me out. Thanks in advance!

GMYPNS 4: Joe's Apartment

MTV Films suck. Don't try to argue. Their track record is a long line of pointless drama, unfunny comedies, and who-gives-a-crap biopics... with one notable exception. Their very first movie had wit, imagination, and a horde of disease-carriers. No, not Jackass: The Movie. I'm talking about Joe's Apartment.

What it's about: A college graduate named Joe has moved to New York and needs a place to live. While in the middle of a fruitless apartment search, he makes an unusual friend named Walter Shit, who convinces him to pose as the son of a woman with a rent-controlled apartment who just had a fatal heart attack on the street. Joe reluctantly agrees and moves in, only to find that it's already inhabited. The place is home to thousands of sapient cockroaches, organized by a leader named Ralph (voiceover master Billy West). The party bugs come to appreciate Joe for his slovenly ways, and regale him with song and dance, including a grand watery spectacle in the toilet bowl. Joe decides that he can co-exist with the little vermin, but explodes at them for ruining his relations with the opposite sex. Still, Ralph and his friends are there for Joe when he really needs a hand. Or six.

Why you should see it: Born out of the era when MTV still showed music videos and original programs that were worth seeing, Joe's Apartment was based on a 1992 short that acted as filler for the network, although a Japanese film titled Twilight of the Cockroaches and another American short named Those Damn Roaches influenced the production as well. This movie works because the setup was simple and provided the writers with a lot of opportunity for funny human-to-roach comparisons (the insects have their own public access channel and engage in roundtable discussions with rats and pigeons). Some jokes are so lowbrow, they're hilarious. You've got to giggle at the two henchmen named Vlad and Jesus. The cast of humans is good enough. I've been a fan of Jerry O' Connell since Sliders. More talent is on the roach side however, with performances from West, Dave Chapelle, Godfrey, and composer Carter Burwell. The effects in Joe's aren't fantastic; the film gets more mileage out of the puppets and miniatures than the primitive CGI. Overall though, the movie holds it all together in a charming and disgusting fashion. And you've got to give props to O' Connell and co-star Megan Ward for choosing to work with 100% real critters in a handful of scenes!

Why you've probably never seen it: The film was a joint production between MTV Networks and Geffen Pictures, but the major distributor was Warner Bros. After a handful of negative advance reviews, the WB scared themselves into withholding press materials. Few people even knew that Joe's Apartment was in theaters until they went to another flick and saw the marquee. As a result, the box office was lackluster. Thanks to the home video market, Joe's gained cult status. Unfortunately, MTV abandoned clever, quirky comedy almost immediately for the dreck they now serve up on a regular basis. Se la vie.

Joe's Apartment is good clean dirty fun. Cancel the exterminator and rent this flick instead.

 

Coming Up in The Greatest Movies You've Probably Never Seen Part 5: Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (comment here or in the GMYPNS thread under the Film forum to request your favorite movie that no one else has seen!)

GMYPNS 3: The Frighteners

Seeing as how the Live Donation Drive starts in about 4 hours, I'm fairly certain that none of you would read my blog if I posted it later tonight. Not that many of you read it anyway, but the point remains. So here it is a little earlier than planned, my review of the first major American film release directed by Peter "Lord of the Rings" Jackson: The Frighteners.

What it's about: Former architect Frank Bannister gained the ability to see ghosts after a traumatic car accident killed his wife. He befriends three non-livers named Cyrus, Stuart, and the Judge, and decides that with their help, he can make a tidy little profit as an exorcist: his undead pals fly in and terrorize the place, he conveniently comes calling to get rid of them. This works for awhile until a wicked spirit resembling Death appears and starts killing people left and right, marking them for murder by placing an invisible number on their foreheads. Frank can see the numbers ahead of time, but this makes him the prime suspect. If he wants to stop the serial killer from Hell, he'll have to cross over to the other side himself.

Why you should see it: Peter Jackson is a visionary, plain and simple, and The Frighteners is a great example of what he was capable of producing when the material was worthy. At the time of release, critics believed that the huge number of effects detracted from the story (for a time, Frighteners contained the most effects shots of any film). However, I think the balance between story and effects was fine, and over-the-top finale aside, it's a gorgeous film. Shot in New Zealand and designed to look like the Midwestern US, the cinematography is fantastic, and the unique locales and elements like graveyards and the ghost characters have a Gothic beauty to them. More people complained about the abrupt shift from kooky comedy to blood-curdling horror film around the halfway point. True, the scary stuff does get a little intense, but it's an R-rated film. People knew what they were walking into. When a mix of fright and light is properly balanced, it can be very entertaining. Just look at Shaun of the Dead. Originally, most of the cast was going to be a group of unknowns, but Robert Zemeckis (who was tapped to direct the film first) suggested that they hook in Michael J. Fox, which was a good move for both actor and studio. It was surreal to see Marty McFly in such a dark film, but he was a perfect fit as the tortured exorcist. As an extra treat, the late great R. Lee Emery cameoed as a graveyard ghost, complete with his Full Metal Jacket battle gear.

Why you've probably never seen it: Universal was going to open The Frighteners on Halloween, 1996, but after seeing an impressive rough cut, they decided to up the date by four months and hype it as their summer tentpole blockbuster. I think the original release date would have resulted in more ticket sales, given the subject matter. A haunted house film in July does not compute. Besides, it faced stiff competition from the massively overrated Independence Day. The budget for the movie was $30 million, but it grossed only a little more than $29 million worldwide. WORLDWIDE. How much do you think it might have made if it was released Halloween night and properly marketed as a thriller? Right, that was the other problem. Given the two radically different moods in the film, Universal had no idea how to plug it. There were reports of parents taking kids because the TV spots made them think it was a silly ghost story. (Do these parents even look at ratings?) Thankfully, we got a stellar release of the film on DVD. The first edition is fine, but you should go for the Director's Cut, which has an additional 12 minutes of footage added.

The Frighteners is an odd and wonderful horror comedy. If you passed on it back in the day, scare up a copy now.

 

Coming Up in The Greatest Movies You've Probably Never Seen Part 4: Joe's Apartment (comment here or in the GMYPNS thread under the Film forum to request your favorite movie that no one has seen!)

 

GMYPNS 2: High Strung

You may not know the name Steve Oedekerk (or how to pronounce it), but odds are you know his work. A talented director, writer, producer, and actor, he's been behind and in front of the camera for films such as Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, Bruce Almighty, Kung Pow! Enter the Fist, and even Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius. The odds are even greater that you've never seen his first starring role in the ultra-low-budget movie High Strung. And if you have, well... we didn't bet on anything. So let's explore.

What it's about: Meet Thane Furrows. He's a single man who is nearly handicapped by his multiple phobias and pessimistic outlook. Thane writes childrens' books for a national publisher, but most of his ideas ("How to Start the Family Car") are shot down by the boss' aggravating wife. He also eats nothing but cereal because he doesn't trust restaurants. Thane's favorite activity is complaining. About everything. Idiot game show contestants, watemelon popsicles with seeds, state fairs, animals, insects, insurance salesmen, noisy neighbors, relationships, automated calling machines, and Happy the Clam are all on his hate list. But that's only the tip of the iceberg. Thane finds life so annoying that he often wishes he were dead. By 8:00 PM, he'll wish he was never born. (cue evil laughter)

Why you should see it: Talking to the camera is nothing new, but even so, very few actors nowadays can handle a movie which is essentially a one-man show for most of the running time. The only other film that comes to mind at the moment is 1408 with John Cusack, and he had a lot of spooky special effects to keep him interesting. High Strung is like one of those plays where it's a solitary man on stage delivering a monologue. Thanks to the imaginative writing and carefully chosen supporting cast, the film is entertaining throughout. Much of the fun comes from seeing Thane explode over the most trivial things: the opening shows him screaming at his cereal bowl because there's milk left over and he isn't hungry for more cereal. After the boss' wife Melanie ("MEl-la-nee") visits to chew him out for his missed deadlines and morbid story ideas, Thane contemplates how disgusting smoking is and compares it to licking a salt block laced with a tiny bit of cyanide as a snack. It must be said that even though Steve Oedekerk isn't the greatest actor in Hollywood, he played this role extremely well, and I think there's a lot of established actors out there who wouldn't have had the stones to pull it off.Even though it is Oedekerk's moment, the rest of the movie is filled with great characters, particularly Vol, the upstairs headbanger who plays deafening music 18 hours a day. And look at the rest of the cast: Jim Carrey (uncredited), Tom Wilson of Back to the Future fame, Fred Willard as the insurance salesman, and a blink-or-you'll-miss-it cameo from a young Kirsten Dunst in a fantasy scene!

Why you've probably never seen it: This flick was tied together with string and less than $150,000 budget. Film Brigade went looking for potential distributors, but every exec they showed it to didn't think it would do enough business to warrant the roughly $3 million in marketing costs. Besides, it was 1991, the year that had already seen Silence of the Lambs, Thelma and Louise, and What About Bob? No one was going to see a no-name actor break the 4th wall for an entire movie. High Strung wallowed in the VHS underworld for a decade before people started making illegal DVD copies. There is still no official release, and a video tape with the original theater poster for a cover can run you up to 35 bucks on ebay. Happy hunting.

High Strung is a very funny movie with very quotable dialogue that very stupid people treated very poorly. I know it's on Youtube if you don't mind spanish subtitles. Hopefully that won't stress you out like Thane.

 

Coming Up in The Greatest Movies You've Probably Never Seen Part 3: The Frighteners (comment here or in the GMYPNS thread under the Film forum to request your favorite movie that no one has seen!)

The Greatest Movies You've Probably Never Seen 1: Brain Donors

I love watching movies, and I find there's a fair few films (say THAT five times fast) that only I seem to enjoy or even know about. This series will take a look at the cinematic shut-ins, the flicks that came and went and died in obscurity. The first choice? The Zucker Brothers-produced Brain Donors.

What it's about: Wide and wealthy widow (what is it with me and the tongue-twisters today?) Lillian Oglethorpe is going to start a ballet company to honor her late husband. Family lawyer Edmund Lazlo volunteers for the director job and the $500,000 salary, but literal ambulance-chaser Roland T. Flakfizer slides into his own contract. Along with Lillian's indentured servant Jacques and a jack-of-all-trades taxi driver named Rocco Melonchek, the fast talking Flakfizer cooks up a plan to oust Lazlo, pad his paycheck, AND help two young lovers start a successful ballet career, but it's going to take every one-liner in his arsenal, every toy in Jacques' coat, and every trick up Rocco's sleeve.

Why you should see it: Anybody who appreciates a good laugh should be a fan of the Marx Brothers. Their unique brand of tag-team physical comedy, masterful set-up jokes, brilliant one-liners and consistent overall quality made them a force to be reckoned with in the 30s. Unfortunately, no film ever imitated the Marx style, much less did it justice. Until Brain Donors. The people behind this movie knew exactly what Groucho, Chico, and Harpo were all about, and went for the spirit of the Marxes in a big way. Brain Donors is stuffed credits-to-credits with imaginative routines and visual jokes. The opening scene with Jacques (Bob Nelson) waking up in his tiny bedroom is a real winner; as the mostly silent Harpo-like character, he gets to do all the best visual gags. The entire cast is game. John Turturro shines in particular as Flakfizer. He spouts out hilarious quips so quick, he's like a whirlwind wearing glasses. If you only know him from Coen Brothers movies, you'll be surprised. Mel Smith (the albino from The Princess Bride) fills the Chico kind of role, so he doesn't get nearly as much attention as the other two. He still has a handful of good lines, it just would have been nice to see more of him. The movie was made with the machine-gun philosophy of script-writing, so if you laugh too hard at one joke, I guarantee you'll miss the next three. This film demands repeat viewing.

Why you've probably never seen it: After production was nearly complete, the Zucker Brothers left Paramount for another outfit, ostensibly over unfair compensation. The studio freaked. Lame Ducks had the Zuckers behind it and was going to be THE comedy of 1992. Deciding that without the brainfathers present the film was doomed to failure, Paramount pulled all marketing, changed the title unneccesarily, and took it out of theaters after a two or three month run. Lame Ducks/Brain Donors was one of the first movies to develop a cult following thanks to decent VHS sales. Paramount released a bare-bones DVD a couple of years ago, without so much as a trailer. What's worse, any VHS or DVD copy you find reportedly has as much as 7 minutes missing from the original theatrical cut, which may explain why the flick is little more than an hour long (and why Jacques is in clown makeup one scene without explanation). On the plus side, it keeps the pace fast and furious.

And that's the story. Brain Donors is a retitled gem that was given a bad deal. Now it's on DVD, it's not so hard to find. Buy it now, thank me later.

 

Coming Up in The Greatest Movies You've Probably Never Seen Part 2: High Strung. Comment here or in the GMYPNS thread (thread title is not abbreviated) under the Film forum to tell me about movies you're sure most of the world has yet to see!

Watching That Guy With the Glasses

This is one of the rare times something turned out just the way I planned. Give me some feedback, y' hear? I may do another of these rapid-fire videos if you like this one.

The Top 11 TV to Film Adaptations

I know it's taken me awhile to write this list, so no horsing around. Without further ado, I give you the top 11 TV to film adaptations.

11) Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

I've already expressed my love for the Batman animated series in earlier blogs, so I won't gush too much here. I'll only say that this humble theatrical release was far and away one of the best visions of the giant rodent ever put onscreen, with a menacing villain, great atmosphere, and the Joker to boot. Sadly, Warner Bros. didn't think it would do big business and downplayed the marketing in a bit of self-fulfilling prophecy. Phantasm succeeds where others have failed: by giving us a Bruce Wayne who is haunted by his past, but not consumed by it. Kudos to Kevin Conroy's voice acting once again.

10) Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

MST3K was one of the funniest shows in Comedy Central's history, running for nearly 11 years and inspiring thousands of would-be movie critics. The utterly simple premise of a guy and his robots being forced to watch craptastic movies and keeping themselves sane by verbally destroying them seemed ripe for a big-screen makeover, and the producers were happy to oblige us. Admittedly, it's exactly like an episode of the series (and I wouldn't even consider it the best episode), but it's still ridiculously entertaining, and it works whether you're sober or not. The movie they watched? This Island Earth.

9) The Addams Family

The creepy cartoons done by Charles Addams were the sole reason I ever read The New Yorker. He had a sick sense of humor long before having a sick sense of humor was appreciated. The TV show centered around his characters was rather tame, but when Barry Sonnenfeld decided to give them the Hollywood treatment, I was awed. The story about a man posing as long-lost Uncle Fester to steal the family fortune was good, but the effects were even better. Sonnenfeld went low-tech with a multitude of in-camera tricks and makeup work, resulting in some pretty (and pretty hideous) stuff. Plus, there were in-jokes aplenty for longtime fans, and the brothers Addams were played by Christopher Lloyd and Raul Julia OF COURSE! What more could you want?

8) Serenity

I covered the raw deal that sci-fi series Firefly was handed back in Clever but Canceled Part 2 (READ IT), so let's focus on the genius that is Serenity. Taking place six months after the end of the show, Captain Reynolds and his crew are compelled by their strange charge River Tam to investigate a weak signal coming from the other side of Reaver space. Not only do they have to cross dangerous territory, discover an empty planet, and lose two dear friends in battle, they have to outrun a government operative with no name and no qualms about killing anyone who doesn't see his point of view. Intense much? Thankfully, the lovable characters and crisp direction from creator Joss Whedon make it all worth watching. This should have been the new Star Wars.

7) The Simpsons Movie

You can agree or disagree about how The Simpsons isn't funny anymore; the point is, they're a part of American culture and they deserved a good movie. Luckily, that's what they (and we) got. Homer's feature-length adventure was a glimpse of the show's glory days, when every joke landed and there were supporting characters with their own funny bits. The story was silly, but not so far-fetched you couldn't see it happening. At least, you could see it happening in Springfield. The script floated around for nearly 15 years before it was fine-tuned and put into production, but the payoff was a stellar film with a high rewatch value. Kudos Matt Groening, you will never leave our homes.

6) Wayne's World

One of only two good movies based on a Saturday Night Live sketch, and the only one to make more than $100 million, Wayne's World is just a good time. Some of the jokes (Grey Poupon, the Terminator 2 reference) haven't aged well, but the enthusiasm of the cast and the chance to see Mike Myers still in his prime balances out the occasional hit-or-miss. Besides, it has the movie debut of Chris Farley and Alice Cooper cameos. Enough to dub it a classic? Chyeah!

5) The Fugitive

Harrison Ford might just be the world's most bankable action star. I mean, look at the guy's resume -the Indiana Jones trilogy, Air Force One, Witness, and The Fugitive. Oh man, The Fugitive. Co-starring Tommy Lee Jones as a badass cop, Ford plays a doctor who is framed for the murder of his wife. He doesn't even get time to grieve; they send him straight to prison. He escapes, eludes the police at every turn, and even manages to treat a sick kid at a hospital while he works to clear his name. It's exciting, alright. The series it's based on is also grade A. I recommend both if you want a healthy dose of action and espionage.

4) The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!

Back in the late 70s, the Zucker Brothers were unstoppable. They gave us Airplane! which, I think, is the most hysterical machine-gun movie of all time (machine-gun jokes: fire jokes at the audience fast and often, some of 'em are bound to stick). So, they teamed up with Leslie Neilsen for another, this time based on the ridiculous antics of Lt. Frank Drebin, an incompetent cop who usually, if unintentionally, aids the bad guys. The plot is unimportant, it's merely an excuse to string together a constant stream of jokes, most of them over-the-top, but nearly all of them winners. Best line: "Must... kill... papshmear..."

3) Jackass

Let's face it, sometimes all you want is something low-brow and easy to follow. Johnny Knoxville and company were eager to please, essentially making a longer episode of the show, but being able to do things that MTV wouldn't let pass on cable. Certainly, there's a disturbing homoerotic element (unless you're into that kind of thing) and some of the stunts are just disgusting, but there's no faulting these guys for being cowardly or boring.

2) The Blues Brothers

The OTHER good movie based on an SNL sketch, Blues Brothers had two things working in its favor: talented leads and excellent music. Dan Akroyd and John Belushi gave it their all as two blues players on a mission from God. It's a shame that Belushi was almost always baked on set, which eventually led to his death. Still, we have the misadventures of Jake and Elwood to remember him by.

1) A Goofy Movie

Based on Disney's afternoon staple Goof Troop, A Goofy Movie is my top pick because it was more entertaining than any movie derived from a cheaply produced TV cartoon has any right to be. Goofy was fleshed out here, showing his well, goofy side mixed with all the familiar notions of a dad. He wants to please his son, he tries to be more authoritative, he relaxes in the hotel hot tub, and he gets angry when he realized Max lied to him. It was almost surreal seeing Mickey's old pal behaving so realistically, but it made for a great character. Max was also endearing as the teenage son who is constantly embarassed by his pop. The animation was decent, but the writing was excellent. Dialogue fit each character like a glove, and the gags were well-timed, with lots of great physical comedy. The movie has some fun cameos, and the songs performed by teen idol Powerline are very catchy, no matter what any other blogger tells you. Most of all though, it proved that Disney can handle an established character in a fresh way without losing what made him beloved in the first place. Why isn't the main mouse getting this treatment? Regardless, A Goofy Movie never gets old. As an added bonus, it contains the one Pauly Shore performance that is actually funny. No, really!

So that's my list. I'm sure you all have your own opinions of what the best films based on TV shows are; let me hear 'em! Comment here telling me what you think I should have included, and visit the Clever but Canceled thread under the TV forum (once the forums are back) to see what's coming next!

 

Coming Up: New series! The Greatest Movies You've Probably Never Seen! Give me your suggestions for movies that only you appreciate!